


Losing trust

by Fangirlmoon



Series: Losing control [3]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fainting, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:53:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29432718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlmoon/pseuds/Fangirlmoon
Summary: Spencer has a problem with fainting.The different times were Spencer faints and how different team member handle it.
Series: Losing control [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2127735
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	1. JJ

JJ found herself having to hold back the hardest. They was a long talk with everyone and they agreed that it would be better to give Spencer some space. They weren't talking about ignoring when he faints but stopping to hovering over him if there is the slightest chance he does. 

"JJ could you take this for a second?" 

"Sure." She bit back the question if he was alright while she took his cup and was relived to see that he only needed both hands to search for his phone in his bag. 

"Did you know that the average person loses one phone every year?"

"No I didn't."

"I have my phone since years and I've not lost it ones." He says proudly pulling it out and taking his cup back.

"Well I wouldn't be sad if you did."

"Why?"

"Because a new phone wouldn't be so bad. It's like talking to you through a wall while random cracking noises are made in that wall."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She says sipping her own coffee. "A smartphone could change that."

"No I don't need one."

"Alright." JJ smiles while looking a Reid for a moment before leading them back into the bullpen. "Someone back me up about how Spence needs a new phone?"

"Definitely. It's like talking to you while you drive on an old motorcycle." Luke says.

"It's not that bad."

"You say that because you don't hear yourself." Luke answers.

"I have to admit it has something that he still uses the old thing." Matt says. "I only got a new phone recently too."

"But you had a smartphone before this you still have to press multiple times to get the right letter to write a message." JJ argues.

"I don't write messages."

"That's another problem." JJ says. "Don't you like wanna be in the group chat?"

"I can read the important things on your phone afterwards." 

"That's not the point of the group chat." Luke comments.

"I am not going to change my phone." Spencer says ending the discussion and sitting down, while there were a few chuckles in the room. They were glad the tension between everyone had eased again and they was not the uncomfortable silence between him and the rest. Nobody had meant to be offending it was just the night at Rossi's that everybody had in mind. 

They were sitting around the conference Table when Spencer announces that he is going to faint. Luke carfully reaches over sitting him on the floor and waiting with him for a few second before he goes unconscious and Luke does the whole routine. Checking his watch and pulse and timing it. "6 and a half minutes you are all good." He tells him as he wakes up getting up the ground again and back onto the chair. 

An hour later and they were sitting in the jet, when Spencer hides his face in his arms on the table shortly before passing out. JJ checks if everything is as it should be and lets him, holding back a comment when he comes back to himself.

It wasn't till it was late at night and the two worked they way through the office of the first victim hoping to find something that made the killer act with such rage when Spencer faints again and she,alone in the big house and no one of the others near by can't hold back how scared she is that he isn't going to wake up. She isn't scared because of the killer, anyone who would want to come near Spence right now would need to be ready for a hell of a fight to get passed her but she was scared that Reid wouldn't wake up, she had to call an ambulance, waiting for it to arrive, telling them everything and not messing up by forgetting him to tell anything and then having to tell the others. "Please wake up, Spence." She whispers quietly, pushing his hair out of his face. "C'mon open those beautiful eyes for me." He told them ones that he can't hear them but sometimes shortly before he comes back to himself he can. "C'mon."

" 'M okay."

"Hey you, no way of getting out of this work." She immediately switched back to a teasing tone before she felt Spencer grabbing her hand.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being you. You don't have to hide it." 

"Well, if that's the case. Stay the hell down or I will take away half of the files you were about to read." 

"I will." He chuckled letting go of her hand and watching her move around the room. He really won the lottery with his best friend.


	2. Gideon

"What happened?" It was the middle of the night when Gideon had got the call from Spencer asking him to come to the hospital. 

"I fell and I hurt my arm. The doctor thinks it's broken but I have to wait till they make the X-Rays." Spencer says looking up to him, holding his arm. 

"How did you fell?"

"I passed out."

"Oh, yeah right. Sorry." He gives him an encouraging smile. "Did they say how long its gonna take?"

"No they just told me to wait here." Nervously Spencer bites his lip. "It really hurts."

"Didn't they give you pain medication?"

"No."

"Let me go talk to them." Turns out if you wave your badge under their nose things go a lot of faster for a moment but after that it was hours of sitting in the waiting room again. Spencer holding an ice back after ice back onto the blue and green bruise while they waited for somebody to put the arm into a casket. "You alright there?"

"Yeah,just want this plain to stop."

"You will get meds after they put on the casket and I will drive you to pick up the meds for the next days from the pharmacy alright?"

"That would be nice. I am sorry I can't work in the field because of something stupid like this." 

"It's not your fault, you can work with Garcia from Quantico if we get a case." To the doctors suprise Spencer passed out sitting on the lounger in the room,Gideon had catched him and was now holding him against his chest, his head resting right under his chin. "That happens he will be fine in a few minutes." Comforting he guides his hands through the boys long hair till he wakes up again, blinking a few times and then sitting again on his own listen to the doctor about further steps regarding his arm and he got lucky as long as everything heals as planned he won't need surgery. It was nearly seven in the morning when they were done and drove off. "You take the day okay?"

"Really?"

"Only because I work myself into the ground doesn't mean you have too."


	3. Hotch

Hotch was practicing with Spencer for his gun qualification when it happened again. They still haven't got used to it and neither did Spence he quickly puts his gun down stepping back and Hotch catches him in his arms being surprised by the weight and going with him to the ground. An agent that was training next to them immediately coming over and offering help. "He is fine, he- eh- he just has a problem with fainting."

"How old is that kid?"

"24."

"Fresh out of the academy?"

"Well not exactly, he joined us a little bit earlier than it is normal." Hotch says looking down on the boy who was laying between his legs his head placed onto Hotch tight. 

"Which unit?"

"BAU."

"This the famous Dr. Spencer Reid?" The man asks sceptical but not in any way offensive. 

"You haven't met him at his best let me tell you that." Hotch defends him.

"Clearly. Can I do anything?'

"Nah,just wait with the shooting if you don't mind I don't need him to come back to himself to the sound of gunshots."

"Of course." It took Reid some time till he came back to himself sitting up and looking to Hotch.

"I am sorry."

"It's okay,don't every apologize for it."

"I probably won't be able to help it."


	4. Rossi

Rossi was being ripped out of his sleep by Reid knocking something over in the bathroom of the hotel room they are sharing so he made his way over, trying to open the door but it was locked. Probably on accident at least he hoped so and immediately the night of his birthday came back to his mind. "Spencer?" He asks loudly but no reaction. "Spence can you hear me?" He knocks at the door and waits for an answer for a few second and debates if he should open the door with force or if he would hurt Reid. "Spencer?" He tries again and again till he eventually heard something moving and then the lock turn. "What on earth wear you thinking?" Rossi asks looking on the man that had just found enough strength to open the door.

"Sorry."

"I thought we had a deal."

"I forgot I am sorry." 

"You forgot?"

"Rossi please." Spencer says holding himself on one arm. 

"Did you hit yourself somewhere?"

"Don't think so."

"Good,let me help you up." 

"I'll need a minute just go back to bed."

"Yeah not gonna happen."

"Please." Spencer asks again. "Give me some space."

"Alright." Following Reids wishes he walks back to his bed. He knew it was the right thing to do even if it doesn't feel right. Spencer had asked for more Space so he should be fine with giving it to him and when Spencer finally came out of the bathroom and curled himself back in. Rossi got a quiet "Thank you" before they both fell asleep.


	5. Rossi II

"I brought chocolate." Rossi announces as he walks into Spencer's hospital room. The boy was laying in his bed sceptical looking up to him. "You will like it."

"Don't know how chocolate is going to safe the day."

"It always does." Spencer shrugs watching Rossi sitting down on his bedside. "You finished those books already?"

"Yeah could you maybe take them with you, I don't want them to keep staging themself in here." 

"Sure. You have any wishes for new ones?"

"Not really." Spencer says handing him a book. "But if there is a second part to this I will read it."

"I'll look for it."

"Thank you." 

"It is only three more days" Rossi says encouraging. He doesn't know him for long but seeing the boy so beaten down in a hospital made him feel like he would want to do anything for him. "And then you can come back to work."

"To annoy you all with this." Annoyed he gestured towards his body. "I don't even know what this stupid test we did already two years ago is suppose to be doing for me."

"You do. You are just frustrated of only seeing the same walls for the last week."

"And you."

"And me."

"I know you have a case, I don't know why you stayed back thought." 

"Because I don't leave a men behind. And I can work a case from here." Rossi promises,putting one hand on Reid's leg. "You are a great Agent you know that right?"

"Agent? Look at me."

"Kid-" He stopped himself. "Reid. You have your brain. You have that incredibly mind being an agent is not only about your physical abilities."


	6. Haley

Haley really likes Spencer whenever she got to meet him it brightens her day immensely. And most importantly it brightens her day when Hotch tells her stories of him from work because these are usually the ones that are cheerful but over the time they turned into the sad ones, and slowly the Storys she heard about the ones so cheerful kid are the ones that break her heart the most. 

Eventhough she doesn't see him often she feels like she was with him from the begin of disease hearing her husband make calls late at night in the kitchen while Jack is laying next to her sleeping soundly. What she would do if Jack ever got sick, she doesn't know. 

"This is Aaron Hotchner, I am unit chief at the BAU with the FBI. I called about a Dr. Mason earlier-" She heard again. Reid just got home from the hospital and nothing was found but got other recommendations for other doctors and her husband tries to find someone who would start the process immediately. Always waving his title to fasten the process but so far not much. "Listen, this is important-" She looked at Jack again who moved in his sleep and thinks about how she met Spencer the first time. 

"Mrs Hotchner I suppose?"

"You are right come in." It was Hotch's birthday and he was still new on the team only working with them for three months. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise." 

"Just follow me." She led him through the house were the table was sat and JJ was already seated. 

"Reid, I am happy you came." Aaron got up from the table but not making any intention of hugging or greeting him otherwise physically. 

"I don't really get invited to birthday partys so-" 

"Well you will learn." Her husband pointed to a seat. 

"I've got you this- I- I- didn't know if it was appropriate." He hands him his presents that turns out to be a book.

"Of course it is eventhough you didn't have to." Bright Hotch smiles. "Can I hug you?"

"Yes. Yes you can hug me." Spencer answers and was met with a warm hug."Did you know that it is believed that around 50000 people are hugging someone too in this exact moment?"

"No, I did not. Lucky I have you then." She knew in that moment that her husband would, if he ever gets a child, be the as loving and gentle as a father could get. 

"This was the last call for tonight I promise." Exhausted Aaron lays down next to her. "Apparently it's to late to discuss this."

"How surprising its almost midnight."

"Right?" They both smile for a moment.

"Why don't you invite him to dinner again?" 

"Its not gonna fix this."

"But it would make him happy." 

"I'll ask him." The next morning she got a message from her husband saying. "If there is no case I will bring Spencer." 

This wasn't really what she meant but she nailed it anyway making a delicious meal and being ready on time when the two man walked in and she had a hard time maintaining her smile. Spencer had lost even more weight, his cheekbones sticking out and the skin under his eyes was dark red while his lips were dry and he was slightly trembling. Why would her husband let him work like this? 

"Its nice to see you Spencer." They never hugged before but right now she couldn't stop herself and he returned the hug. 

"I haven't seen you in a while." It had been half a year. The last time was when she bought Jack to the office and back then it had just started. Her husband had told her the evening before how Spencer had fainted for the fifth time. 

"Well Jack is sure a handful." She says letting go of him. "He comes after his dad."

"I am not comfortable commenting that." The Dr. says looking at Hotch while pressing his lips together to not smile. 

"You better not." He greets his wife with a kiss and slowly they start chattering over mostly Jack and the somehow a book Hailey read and they go over to discussing the effect of yoga when suddenly Spencer grabs the surface of the high table. "You okay?"

"No." With that he falls from the bar stool in Hotch direction who catches him and places him down on the cold floor and as if Jack could sense something was wrong he started crying in his seat in the exact same moment.

"Its okay baby." Hailey spoke calmly to the little boy while Hotch was waiting for Spencer to get up and his son crying doesn't make him calmer.

"Would you please take him to another room?" He snapped and Hailey did what was asked giving her husband some quiet. "Spencer it's time to wake up again." She heard him say from the other room were Jack had quickly calmed down. "C'mon open those eyes." While rocking her child she listens closely. "You've gotta wake up." Nothing happened and eventually the pleading of her husband got more desperate. "Kiddo you are nearly at the 13 minute mark you don't want to overstep it."

"Spencer please open your eyes."

"I need you to open your eyes now."

"If you stay like this any longer I will have to call an ambulance and you will be back in a hospital. You don't want that."

"Reid please." And then there was movement and for a second she was relived before she heard him calling the ambulance explaining the situation and six minutes later Spencer woke up she was now standing in the kitchen again still holding her so. "You are okay."

"Sorry."

"Its okay,c'mon lean against the kitchen I had to call the medics. They will check your vitals and making sure you are okay." His voice was almost as soft as it was with Jack.

"Do I have to go to the hospital again?"

"No I don't think so." And he was right they checked him over and after an explanation of Spencer's situation they were okay to leave him with Hotch. "You can sleep on the couch if you like."

"No I will go home Its fine."

"That was not a suggestion."

"Hotch I only spend one night in my own bed."

"I am sorry but I won't let you be alone like this." Defeated Spencer walked over to the couch sitting down when Haily got up in the morning and saw that her husband was sleeping in the chair next to him and immediately sitting up when he heard a noise she was also sure that Jack would be the most protected kid in the world. And maybe not only Jack.


	7. Morgan

"I just know this won't end well but I can't stop him." From Morgans veranda facing his backyard he and Savannah watch Spencer and Hank running around in the garden. 

"I don't think I've ever seen him smile this much." She says looking at the men picking up her son and turning in a circle with him before setting him down and kicking the ball away from them making the little boy run after it. 

"Wait till Hank nails his first magic trick."

"He taught Henry ones too?"

"That kid learned magic before it could walk." Morgan joked following Spencer's movements as he acts to fail to get the ball from Hank who was giggling over his victory. "Can't say it hurt him."

"He is adorable with them."

"Sure is."

"Do you know if he wants kids too?"

"He does but his heart belongs to one women and she is not with us anymore so I doubt that is going to happen. But I wish it does." They watch Spencer chasing after their kid. "I hate this."

"What?"

"You just know its gonna happen any second."

"He is on the grass, he will be fine."

"I know." They watch them play for another ten minutes before Spencer stumbles and then catches himself with his arm and then goes unconscious. "There it is." Morgan gets up walking towards the men. "Hank go to your mom for me." 

"What's with Spencer?" He asks curious.

"Spencer is a little bit sick right now but I am gonna take care of him okay?" His son follows his instruction while Morgan kneels down turning him around and checking his pulse. It wasn't as surprise that when he woke up he was exhausted but pulled himself together as much as he could to close Hank into his arms and picking him up carrying him with onto the veranda to sit down the child on his lap. 

"Here drink something."

"Thank you." 

"Are you sick?" Hank asks watching him closely.

"Not anymore. All good now."

"Did Daddy kiss it better?"

"No, that only works on sons." Spencer explains putting his glass back down. "You wanna go again?" 

"Spencer-"

"Yeahh!"

"Good give me five minutes and I will be ready to join you." He promises while Hank slides from his lap and walks down the stairs back onto the grass. "What?" 

"Give yourself a break."

"I am fine."

"You are not."

"I am perfectly capable of playing with him for a few hours." He exclaims.

"Nobody says you aren't."

"You do."

"Boys, calm it don't." Savannah speaks up. "If Spencer thinks he can take it then you have no right to bother him about it." 

"Babe-" She shoots him a look he knows meant trouble if he doesn't shut up immediately. 

"Spencer has it been five minutes yet?"

"You are totally right, buddy." He looks at Morgan ones more before starting to smile and walking towards Hank. 

"Aren't your suppose to be on my side?"

"I am on your side."

"Doesn't look like it." Morgan says.

"This behaviour is what caused him to act out on that birthday party." She sets him straight. "He hasn't been okay for a long time and you were all hovering over him maybe he just needs the exact opposite."

"He gets ignored or rejected it won't help him either."

"You are not ignoring him. You walked to him the moment something was wrong but you need to learn that when that moment is over you need to let him live."


	8. Luke

Luke was waiting behind the door for nearly fifteen minutes now. What the hell was Reid doing in there? This was supposed to be a quick scaring him and then carrying on with the day but he had to quickly realise Spencer wouldn't come out of the room any minute and with every minute that passed he thought if he turns around now he had waisted the minutes he already spend on this.

And then he finally heard Spencer moving towards the door and Luke stepped in action yelling a loud. "Spencer." What was meant to be a kind funny surprise but the man passed out.

"Spence oh God I am so sorry." He puts his coffee down and checks Spencer for a pulse and hesitates for a moment with calling an ambulance when he realizes how fast it is. "I didn't- I am so sorry." He reaches for his phone about to call the ambulance when Matt approaches them. 

"How long is he out?"

"2 Minutes."

"Does he have a pulse? Why are you calling in the medics already?" 

"Its to fast- Oh god." Worried Matt goes down and checks his pulse. "I-I- I didn't mean to. I didn't even-"

"His pulse is fine."

"Its not." Matt takes Luke's hand placing it on Spencer's neck. 

"It-It was-"

"What happened?"

"I wanted to tease him by scaring him and he passed out." Matt shot Luke a sympathetic look. "I-I would never hurt him intentionally."

"He knows." Four minutes later Spencer was waking up again looking at the panicking Luke.

"I am so sorry."

"What happened?"

"I-I scared you. I- I - I didn't think this would influence your- your- you know what I mean." 

"Weird it usually doesn't. Only exhaustion and high stress over a long time does effect it." Clueless he looks at Matt.

"Maybe get that checked out." Unintentionally Spencer rubs his hand over his heart. 

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just need a moment."


	9. JJ II

"You are done." With a wide smile JJ gives Spencer a high five as he walks out of the room were he just had to do exercises while his heartbeat was being measured.

"This was worse than the FBI fitness test."

"Then I know why Gideon lied your through it." She says. It's been a hard month, Emily just died and on top of that he had new tests made and she tried her best to get him through everything without him crumbling. "What do you say we go grab some donuts?"

"I would like to shower first."

"Of course. You wanna go home or grab a shower at the office?" 

"Home would be nice."

"Of course." She follows him out of the hospital and drives him home were he goes to the bathroom not long before JJ hears a crash and she walks in without thinking when he hears him sobbing. "What happened?"

"Why can't anything work?" He asks holding himself at the edge of the bathtub that was also a shower looking up to her. "Why can't this fucking work?" Frustrated he slams his palm down on the edge. 

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I must have passed out and hit my side on this stupid fucking thing." He hits it again and again till JJ turns the water off and pushes the curtain completely aside. 

"Can you get up?" 

"No."

"Its okay we wait for a few moments." There was no need for embarrassment everything that needed to be covered was by him leaning against the tub from the inside. She turned around when he got out of the tub and put on his underwear. "Good now sit down and put your head over the edge you have still shampoo in your hair." He follows her orders sitting down like she told him too while she starts the water again and tests the temperature and the more the warm water meets his skin and her nails crawling through his hair the more he cried till eventually nothing was left inside of him and JJ stopped the water and dried his short hair with a towel. Waiting for him to put sweatpants on and bringing him to bed. 

And the stupid tests be damned but it was the first thing in weeks that made him sleep.


	10. Morgan II

It had been a long day they were in town near Washington all day working a case and now on their way back. The two of them were alone in the car when Spencer passed out. Morgan reached over checking Spencer's watch and then his pulse himself but everything was fine so he keeps driving till he eventually comes back to himself. "Welcome back, Pretty boy." He speaks in a soft voice.

"Hey."

"You good?"

"Yeah." They fell back into their comfortable silence till Morgan broke it. 

"I love you."

"What?"

"I said I love you."

"Well- thank you but were is that coming from?" Spencer questions looking at him.

"I am- I just felt the need to say it." Morgan keeps his eyes straight on the road trying to hold back the tears in his eyes.

"What is it?"

"Nothing?"

"You breathing slightly picked up what is it?"

"Not now okay?" They drove the whole way back without talking and when they got to the office to switch from the SUV to Morgans own car he pulled Reid in closely. "I was just scared that I maybe miss the chance to say it."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean."

"No."

"Spencer nobody knows what you have you could die any second on me."

"No- Morgan- no- If I would die because of this don't you think it would have already happened?" Spencer asks mustering his best friend. 

"You are probably right."

"I am always right."

"Whatever let's you sleep at night."


	11. Alex

"Were the hell have you been?" Furious Morgan got up from his seat when he sees Spencer walking in. 

"I-I- I over slept and then had to pick up a package. I am not that late."

"You could have called." Hotch says. 

"I am not that late its eight thirty. Rossi comes in at this time every day."

"But you don't. You are normally here at seven." Morgan tells him. 

"Which should give me the allowance to come in late ones." 

"Then call or give a heads up when you decide that-"

"Morgan comes in late every second day, Rossi sometimes comes in after most of us did our lunch break. This is not fair." Pissed off, Spencer throws his empty coffee cup in the trash can and walks out of the conference room. 

"Well that didn't went well." Rossi comments.

"I am gonna go talk to him-" Morgan makes an attempt to leave the room but Hotch stops him.

"You were the one starting this let someone else talking to him."

"I'll go." Alex gets up and needs a while to find Spencer sitting in an old office. "Can I come in?"

"So you can yell at me for not being on time?"

"So I can talk to you about why the others yelled." Spencer just shrugged and she walks in and closes the door behind her. Not that it did much since there are windows facing the corridor but at least the conversation was private. "Tell me what was in the package?"

"A doctor who figure. I missed the postman ringing yesteray so I had to pick it up at the post office."

"That sounds like a nice reason to be late." 

"I thought it was too." With a sad look on his face Spencer plays with the zipper at his bag. 

"You know why they yelled at you don't you?"

"Its not fair."

"I know."

"No you don't. All of my life there was always something different about me and I just want to be treated like everybody else." 

"And you are but you have friends here that worry about you and coming in late without texting or calling is what makes that worry grow." Guilty Spencer looks at her for a moment before she pulls him into a half hug. "Just give us a heads up the next time okay?"


	12. Gideon II

Morgan knew it would hit Spencer and Dave the hardest when Gideon died. He had driven Reid up to the cabinet and then spend him comfort throughout the day. He was asked by Dave and Stephen to help him clean out the cabinet a few weeks later packing everything in boxes before stuff gets stolen. There was no way to keep this cabinet watched. They was hardly a phone signal so no hope for security cameras. 

"Morgan if you are comfortable I would like you to start in the room over there Its full of files and work stuff, I don't really wanna open something and look at pictures from a corpse." Stephen asks him and Morgan does what he was asked. And eventhough it felt weird going through Gideons stuff, since he had worked with the very private man for years he still was glad he could be a help. He sorted files that Gideon shouldn't even have in his private cabinet in one box so they could be brought back to the FBI and private Stuff in another until he found a stack of files and Papers he was going to throw on the private stack till he realized that the name on it was "Spencer Reid.". Immediately he took the sheets back out and looked through them. These were medical bills, protocols, test result everything from Spencer. Some of them from long after he had left. And the next stack were numerous writings and e-mails exchanges with doctors that Morgan had never seen before eventhough he is the one who is the most informed about Spencer's condition and treatments. He was, so he thought, the one who Spencer trusts with this and who has copies from everything keeping everything organized.

"You okay?" Rossi came in looking like he just had cried. 

"Yeah,yeah just- Its fine, are you?"

"Can you drive the first car to the storage?"

"Of course." He takes all of the files regarding Spencer and shoves them onto the passager seat of his car and only comes back to them when JJ asks him to give him a ride a few days later. 

"What's all of this?"

"Oh don't worry." He grabs the stack so JJ can sit down and than places it on her lab. "Its Spencer's medical file."

"And you keep that in your car because?"

"I found it in Gideon's cabinet."

"Oh."

"Yeah, its updated, and I mean nearly every update and there are exchanges between Gideon and doctors. Not only national ones." Sceptical JJ goes through a few of them.

"I can't believe Spencer didn't tell us he was in contact with Gideon again." They make the decision that JJ is going to talk to him about it. She invites him over for coffee and when Will and Henry went to pick up some grocerys she takes her chance. "Listen,I am not mad at you but why didn't you tell us you were having contact with Gideon again?" 

"What?"

"Morgan found your medical records in his cabinet, and not only old ones." Confused Spencer looks at JJ for a moment. "You didn't know?"

"No, I haven't spoken to him in years." They shared an uncomfortable silence till Spencer dares to ask again. "How much of my medical records had he?"

"Everything. Morgan compared it to the ones you have and there is nearly nothing missing."

They decided to address this at the round table and while the three really thought it was Garcias doing they were surprised it was Hotch. "I was the one sending him this files. He contacted me three weeks after the left asking to be informed about your health and nothing else so I updated him whenever I could and copied your bills from the hospital and everything I could get my hands on." 

"You went through my desk?"

"Yes." 

"You have been in contact with him this whole time?" 

"Yes. But it was only in writing and short calls when you were admitted to the hospital. We never discussed any work nor any thing else about you or something else. He would hang up the moment I tried." Apologetic he looks at Reid who doesn't say anything for a while. "He worried about you."

"Apparently not enough to stay or seek help from us for his last case." They don't talk about it till Hotch an him were alone in a old file room in Pennsylvania a few weeks later. "Did he ever considered coming to visit?"

"Who?"

"Gideon."

"I don't know,I called him when you were shot in the neck but when I told him you were going to be okay he hung up." 

"Do you really think he worried?"

"Yes. He was always searching for someone to help you. Dr. Pennigton three years back, that was his idea." Spencer's expression immediately changed. "What's wrong?"

"He was at the hospital."

"What?"

"I passed out in the corridor, he helped me up and I thought I was just delusional." Spencer was on his way to the cafeteria, to just see something different for a few minutes, when he had passed out not far from his room and a men had helped him into a seating position and stocked his hair back. "He said 'Oh Spence, look at you' and then he- he moved my curls out of my face and then I passed out again, so I thought, I thought I dreamt it because when I woke up he was gone."


	13. Diana

To see her boy lose all the colour out of his face and passing out in front of her was surely something Diana had not expected and didn't want to see. "Spencer!" Anxious she kneels down next to him. "Oh god somebody help him" Exactly in that moment Morgan came back into the room. Reid had flew her out to Washington because of the Fisher king case. "Help him."

"He is okay. This happens he is alright." Morgan speaks calmly and feels Spencer's puls.

"What do you mean he is alright? He just passed out." Scared she puts her hand on his chest. "Spencer boy please wake up."

"He will, it's okay."

"It's not okay it's-"

"He didn't tell you, Ma'am?"

"Tell me what?"

"He faints regularly. He is going to be okay." Quizzing Diana looks at Morgan.

"No he doesn't." 

"Ma'am-" 

"Mom?" Confused Spencer opens his eyes leaning in his mother's touch.

"I am here, oh god."

"I am okay,mom." Derek helps him up into a seating position and then gets him water from the conference table.

"This comes from all the coffee you are drinking, you are way to skinny and then this job. Look what you are doing to yourself!" Diana expresses her worry.

"Mom, I am okay."

"You just fainted!" 

"Mom that happens it's nothing dangerous." He promises her and then has no time because Hotch needs him.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Morgan asks as they drive home. 

"I like to have her think I am safe and everything is okay. Her mind itself must feel like a so dark place I don't want her to think about me and have the same feeling."

"She is your mother, she would never stop seeing you as her bright little angle." 

"You mom wouldn't, it's different with mine."

"No, that women I saw in the conference room could never not love and cherish her child. You should have heard her talking to one of the desk agents about how her son was way to smart for the fools of feds." Morgan said with a smile.

"She said that?" Spencer didn't know if he should be proud or worried about his job.

"Damn right she did."


	14. William

To say they was a certain tension in the room was an understatement. Rossi was sitting down looking between Spencer and his father, Derek was standing behind Spencer ready to keep Spencer from strangling his own father and William himself was just thrown into the surprise of his son showing up at his office.

"You don't look like me anymore."

"I haven't seen you in over- in- in over-" He starts stumbling over his words and Morgan catches him as his knees buckle. 

"I got you,I got you,let go." Rossi got up from his seat helping Morgan move Spencer so he lays with his head on Morgan's legs. 

"Do you want me to call an ambulance?" Mr Reid asks.

"No don't he will be okay." Spencer wakes up after seven minutes of uncomfortable silence in the room and Rossi helps him sitting up holding his upper arms as he crouched down next to him. "You okay?"

"Fine."

"Don't lie because he is here."

"I can leave the room if you want."

"I am sure you can." Spencer bits out his eyed half closed again. "That's what you can do best."

"Maybe-" Morgan gestured towards the door. "Thank you sir." 

"Lay back down."

"I am fine."

"You are not come here." Morgan pulls him close again, placing his head on his shoulder. 

"No-" Spencer whines.

"Its alright, I stop moving you now." The few minutes of quietly laying against Morgans chest helped with the dizziness and eventually William knocked and was asked back in making Spencer move from Morgans lap and sitting on his own his back against the couch. 

"Do you need something? A water maybe?"

"No." 

"Look Spencer I am sorry-"

"I don't need you apologise." He moves one hand up again pressing his palm into his eye. "Just- I need to know what you know about-"

"Reid?" Morgan asks concerned.

"I need to know what you know about the kid that got murdered in our neighborhood right before you- before-" He leans uses his free hand to hold himself from the ground. "Before- for god sakes." Rossi immediately wraps an arm around him and guides him down into laying again. Passing out right away.

"Is he sick?"

"If you would check on your son a little bit more often you would know that." Rossi comments William's behaviour that actually shows concern. When Spencer woke up again he just stays down directly signaling Morgan that he will probably pass out again. 

"Is this chronical?" 

"Yes." 

"Is it known what it is?"

"Sir I don't think you have the right to ask questions." Morgan interrupts him having two fingers on Spencer's pulse. When he finally got back to himself and stayed this way for good ten minutes Morgan dared to pull him up,having one arm around his waist the other hand in front of him offering hold if he needs to.

"I am-I am sorry about that."

"Nothing to be sorry for. And I can't tell you anything about Riley you don't already know. He was a nice kid your age,he loved sports but I don't know anything about how he was killed."

"You have to know something-"

"Reid." Morgan stopped him. "Don't. Let's get you back to the hotel. I am sure Mr. Reid will be okay with meeting up with you tomorrow." William sure as hell made mistakes in his past but he isn't dumb enough to say no to a Morgan's face. "You can barely stand. C'mon."

When William watched Spencer walked out of the room, he realized how much he had missed out of his sons life. All the article in the world he reads about him couldn't make up for the whole he left in his son's life. How he was probably the reason he had learned to fight his own way through things like this and why he has a hard time expecting help from others.

If he could turn the time back, he would have taken the kid with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language so I am sorry if some mistakes make you want to clean your eyes with bleach.


End file.
